伍迪·艾伦经典语录

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
要是我们世界里的一切都是幻觉，一切东西都根本不存在呢？要真是那样的话，我地毯肯定买贵了。

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
上帝要是能为我显显灵该多好！比如，以我的名字在瑞士银行存入一大笔钱。

It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
我并不担心死去……只是希望它来临的时候，我恰好不在那儿。

Annie Hall (1977)

There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort. One says, “The food at this place is really terrible.”
The other says, “l know, and such small portions.”
That’s essentially how l feel about life: full of loneliness, misery, suffering and unhappiness…and it’s all over much too quickly.
有个老笑话，两个老太太下榻在卡茨基尼山假日酒店。其中一个说道：“这的食物真难吃。”
另一个说：“是啊，而且量还这么少。”
这跟我对人生的看法是一样的：充满了孤独，悲伤，苦难和不幸……而且这一切又结束得太快了。

I never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.
我永远也不想加入一个有我这种人做会员的俱乐部。

I fell that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. The horrible would be like terminal cases and blind people, cripples. I don’t know how they get through life. It’s amazing to me. So when you go through life, be thankful that you’re miserable. You’re very lucky to be miserable.
我觉得人生可以分为恐怖的和可悲的两种。恐怖就比如得了绝症啊，成了瞎子啊或者残废了什么的。我不知道他们是怎样熬过一生的，我无法想象。因此，当你在度过这一生时，应该庆幸你是个可悲的人。能成为一个可悲的人说明你非常幸运。

Annie: lt’s so clean out here.
Singer: Because they don’t throw garbage away. They make it into TV shows.
安妮：这里（指好莱坞比弗利山）真干净啊。
辛格：因为他们不扔垃圾，他们把垃圾都做成了电视剧。

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
我在玄学考试时因作bi被开除了，我偷看了我旁边男生的灵魂。

Side Effects (1980)

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
有趣的是，现代天文学家们认为，空间是有限的，这是让人感到很舒服的一种想法——尤其是对那些从来记不住把东西放在哪的人。

Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

I bought her this handkerchief… and I didn’t even know her size.
我给她买了这块手帕，但我还不知道她的尺码。

Deconstructing Harry (1997)

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I’d choose air conditioning.
在空调和教皇之间，我会选择空调。

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
传统就是对持久性的幻觉。

Doris: You have no values. With you it’s all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
Harry: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win!
Doris:你没有价值观，你拥有的仅仅是虚无主义，犬儒主义，挖苦讽刺和性高潮。

Harry:嘿，在法国我能凭着这句口号就在竞选中胜出!

The most beautiful words in the English language aren’t “I love you” but “it’s benign.”
英语中最美的词句不是“我爱你”，而是“你的肿瘤是良性的”。

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
有一个真理众人皆知。我们的生活包含着我们如何去扭曲它。

Standup Comic (1999)

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said “no.”
简单说一下口头避孕，几周前我曾深切地切身体验了口头避孕——我请求一个女孩跟我上床，她说“不”。

I’m not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year’s Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
我不能喝酒——我的身体会承受不了酒精（精神）。除夕夜那天我喝了两杯马提尼后，试图劫持一架电梯飞到古巴。

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
当我被绑架后，我父母立即采取了行动——他们把我的房间租了出去。

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